This article is republished with permission from The Conversation, a platform dedicated to sharing recent academic insights.

Holidays are frequently portrayed as idyllic scenes with families joyfully gathered around a dinner table, surrounded by seasonal culinary delights and pristine decorations. However, for many parents, striving to achieve these picture-perfect scenarios can lead to feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm.

In reality, parents find themselves balancing an array of activities that can outnumber the candles on a Hanukkah menorah. This often results in what’s known as survival parenting, where the day’s goal is merely to make it through. When it’s time to bake holiday cookies, there might not be an opportunity to teach your child the proper way to crack an egg.

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As parents ourselves, we understand that holiday seasons can be anything but relaxing. As child psychologists and mental health professionals, we work with children, adolescents, and their families to promote realistic and healthy parenting methods. We’re familiar with the challenges parents face, and thankfully, the solutions might be simpler than expected.

Understanding Today’s Parenting Challenges

In August 2024, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an advisory emphasizing the urgent need to restore parental well-being. Dr. Murthy, along with a community of scientists and parents, has observed how contemporary parenting demands significantly impact the physical and mental health of caregivers.

Dr. Murthy highlights alarming statistics indicating that nearly half of all parents report feeling stressed on most days.

Today’s parents are busier and more isolated than ever before. A 2024 Bureau of Labor Statistics report shows that in nearly two-thirds of U.S. households led by married couples, both parents work. The figures are even higher in single-parent households. Additionally, a 2022 Household Pulse Survey reveals that a majority of parents lack formal childcare, a situation exacerbated by rising costs and limited availability of daycare services.

Our dual roles as clinicians and mothers reveal that children are also increasingly busy with school and extracurricular activities, pushing parents further into survival mode, focusing solely on accomplishing necessary tasks.

Exploring the Dynamics of ‘Survival Parenting’

Our studies indicate that survival parenting, which concentrates only on day-to-day survival with children, is linked to increased stress and more negative parenting behaviors.

Parents in survival mode often resort to shouting and criticizing, rather than considering the long-term effects of such actions. They may quickly scold a child for a minor mishap like spilling flour, yet overlook their child’s desire to help in the kitchen.

This results in a more stressful and less joyful parenting experience.

The genesis of these insights came from our personal experiences during the COVID-19 pandemic, where we, along with many other parents, found ourselves in survival mode. The isolation and over-scheduled life forced us to focus on immediate tasks without support, often at the expense of long-term parenting goals.

Recent studies confirm that many parents feel depressed, anxious, and burnt out, negatively affecting their relationships with their children and the children’s mental health.

Our research also suggests that parents who react strongly to stress and show signs of depression may see similar issues in their children’s ability to manage emotions and mental health.

Tips for a Joyful Holiday Season

Thankfully, reintroducing joy into parenting during the holidays and beyond can be simpler than following a detailed recipe. Here are some strategies we’ve found effective:

• Adjust your mindset from reacting to immediate issues to focusing on the broader experience and future you wish to create for your family. For instance, if enjoying time with your child is a goal, involve them in holiday preparations. This way, even a batch of burnt cookies becomes a cherished memory if made together.

• Reconnect with friends and other parents to share both physical and emotional burdens. This could include sharing meal preparations or car rides, or simply bringing a friend a cup of coffee. Regular social interactions can significantly boost overall well-being.

• Avoid the trap of “shoulds” that lead to parental guilt, such as “I should be able to cook all this alone.” Replace these thoughts with “I am trying” or “I would like to,” which are more forgiving and realistic.

• Visualize your future holiday gatherings and the relationship you want with your child. Think about what you want these moments to look like years down the line. Our upcoming research shows that considering the long-term impact of your actions can lead to better parenting practices.

Years from now, your children are unlikely to remember a spotless floor but will cherish the moments of laughter and love shared, even if it included baking mishaps.

Ultimately, the key is to alleviate the pressure of the present and focus on the future you are building.

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.