Marian Betz, a Denver, Colorado mother of two teenagers, acknowledges that initiating a conversation about gun safety can initially be uncomfortable and even seem like a critique of another parent’s capabilities. Nonetheless, given the prevalence of firearms in American households, she consistently inquires about how other parents secure their guns, a practice she started when her children began attending playdates and sleepovers over ten years ago.

Many parents either overlook the need to ask about firearm safety or are too shy to bring it up. A recent study in Pediatrics revealed that over 60 percent of surveyed parents in Illinois had never questioned other parents about the presence of unlocked guns in their homes before letting their child go over for a playdate. This is particularly alarming considering that nearly 20 percent of all accidental firearm deaths among children aged 14 and under occur at a friend’s house.

As a professor of emergency medicine at the University of Colorado School of Medicine and an expert in firearm injury and suicide prevention, Betz has personally witnessed the dangers of unsecured guns. In 2022 alone, 2,526 children and teenagers in the U.S. died from gunshot wounds, based on data from a September report by the Johns Hopkins Center for Gun Violence Solutions.

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Simple dialogues can significantly reduce accidental fatalities. Betz approaches the gun safety topic as part of a broader safety discussion necessary before children’s social visits, which also covers topics like food allergies, pool safety, marijuana, alcohol, and adult supervision. However, she emphasizes that the most critical topic is the presence of unlocked firearms. Betz learned to navigate these discussions without making assumptions about gun ownership based on stereotypes. “People’s assumptions about who owns guns can often be incorrect,” she explains, noting that in a nation where nearly 40 percent of adults reside in homes with firearms, it’s impossible to guess based on political or media preferences.

Nick Buttrick, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin–Madison who researches the symbolism of gun ownership, points out that while non-gun owners might view these inquiries as intrusive, many gun owners actually welcome the discussion. Focus group feedback indicates that gun owners find safety talks crucial, and the anticipated tension often dissipates once the conversation begins, leading to more positive interactions than expected.

Non-gun owners may hesitate to ask about gun storage due to a lack of knowledge about what secure storage involves. Buttrick suggests the ideal method is triple-safe storage: a gun that is locked, unloaded, and stored separately from ammunition. Understanding these details beforehand can reduce the anxiety surrounding these inquiries.

A study published in PNAS on April 8 highlighted widespread concern among gun owners regarding insecure firearm storage. Even Republican gun owners expressed discomfort with neighbors having easily accessible, unlocked firearms. Justin Sola, the study’s lead author and an assistant professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, notes that concerns over unsafe storage are common across political and ownership lines, simplifying safety discussions among parents.

Paul Nestadt, an associate professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University, suggests a tactful approach by assuming the presence of a gun and straightforwardly inquiring about its storage. This non-accusatory question, “How do you store your gun?” is less likely to make people defensive and more likely to foster honest dialogue. If the individual doesn’t own a gun, they can simply say so.

The issue of unlocked guns extends beyond accidental shootings to the severe threat of suicides, which saw a 21 percent increase among children and teens from 2019 to 2021. Discussing mental health may be an easier entry point for some parents into the firearm conversation. Betz emphasizes the importance of ensuring firearms are inaccessible to unsupervised children and educating them on what to do if they encounter a gun at a friend’s house—leave the area and call a parent immediately.

Surprisingly, many parents believe their teenager cannot access a gun at home, yet research in the March 2021 issue of JAMA shows that over a third of those teens actually know how to access the family firearm, underscoring the importance of strict safety measures.

While mass shootings represent a smaller fraction of gun-related deaths compared to suicides, they profoundly impact affected communities. About half of all school shootings are carried out by current or former students, with the weapon often sourced from their own home or that of a relative or friend.

Ultimately, parents find themselves in many challenging discussions with other parents, educators, and caregivers—not out of desire, but from a necessity to ensure their children’s safety. “Imagine if something tragic happened because you were too embarrassed to ask,” Betz reflects. “That would be devastating.”

IF YOU NEED HELP

If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, assistance is available. Contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or use the online Lifeline Chat.