Introducing Courtney Palmer: Domestic goddess, budding TikTok star, and self-styled princess. She’s the creator of the “Princess Treatment,” a viral sensation that blends hyper-femininity with a mix of self-care, passivity, and a touch of fantasy.

Her brush with stardom started on June 21, with a nearly six-minute TikTok video where she, the “princess,” explains her policy of not speaking or even making eye contact with restaurant staff while dining out.

“When I’m at a restaurant with my husband, I don’t speak to the hostess, I don’t open any doors, and I don’t order my own food,” she states. She believes eye contact is too masculine for a princess, who should let her husband take the lead. “It’s not that you think you’re better than the hostess; it’s about letting your husband be the man,” she explains.

The video immediately went viral, amassing over 6.4 million views and sparking a barrage of comments. “This isn’t princess treatment. This is hostage treatment,” one user commented. “Are you okay???” asked another.

The video inspired numerous duets, with users acting as the hostess dealing with her. She even earned the nickname “Princess Collarbone” due to her dramatic collarbone-flaunting pose. Palmer admitted to The New York Times that the reaction was overwhelming. My initial thought? Great, another traditional wife wannabe gaining traction on this accursed platform. But as I delved deeper, the reality proved much more somber.

Her crowning achievement is a 29-part TikTok series called “Princess Treatment,” where she expands on her views and advises women on how to subtly control their men into lavish purchases like Chanel flats.

The first video of the series was uploaded on February 14, but the parts, numbered 1-29, aren’t in sequential order. It’s confusing, but then again, she’s a princess, and we’re just the audience. Despite the chaotic timeline, each video boldly dictates the rules of being a true princess — essentially, a throwback to 1950s domesticity — leading up to her infamous “no eye contact” rule. And yes, I watched all 29 videos.

The guide begins somewhat sensibly:

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Part 1: Mind Your Words

“The way you speak about yourself matters. How you value yourself and your space matters,” Palmer asserts in her “Princess Treatment 101: Step One” video. No negative self-talk allowed; princesses are confident. You really can’t argue against self-esteem.

She further explains that if your partner hears you speaking poorly about yourself, he might start to see you in that light. She suggests praising his small acts to encourage them, “Thank you for picking up your socks. I love when you do that.” Is she training her husband like a pet? If so, I’m intrigued.

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Part 3: Keep Your Cool

Moving to Part 3, posted on March 11 (Part 2 came later on March 26 — confusing, right?). “State your needs, then don’t let it bother you,” Palmer advises in a video about maintaining “unbothered energy.” Princesses don’t lose their composure. She warns that suppressed emotions will eventually cause a breakdown, and that’s not princess-like behavior.

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Part 4: Daily Affirmations

Here, things start to get a bit detached from reality. “I see others succeeding on TikTok, which means abundance is real,” Palmer repeats while sitting in her Range Rover. She credits these affirmations with helping her manifest luxury items like her car and designer bags, insisting you need to physically visit stores to make these dreams tangible. The delusion is strong, and I’m hooked.

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Part 5: Dress the Part

“Avoid sloppy clothes,” she instructs in a video titled “Dress for the part,” dressed in a sleek black ensemble. I glance down at my own outfit and cringe.

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Part 6: Tears, Not Tantrums

On March 22, she recounts a recent spat with her husband, emphasizing how she kept her composure without resorting to hysterics: “I was upset, but I never screamed or became physically aggressive.” She stifles a laugh as tears form, giving a blank stare. Courtney, you still with us?

She snaps back and continues, concluding that yelling is masculine, while crying is feminine. Always be feminine, that’s the rule.

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Part 7: Let Him Handle the Tough Stuff

Echoing earlier sentiments, by having your man open jars, you’re reinforcing his role as the provider. Dependence ensures he feels needed, paving the way for you to achieve the ultimate princess goal: being a pampered stay-at-home mom.

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Part 8: Beauty Essentials

Flowers should always be fresh, nails impeccably done. It’s unclear who’s expected to fund the manicures, but self-reliance? That’s a no-no for a princess.

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Part 9: Compensations for His Travel

What’s a princess to do if her prince is frequently away? When faced with such dilemmas, Palmer suggests a calculated approach: “I’d love to see how you’ll make up for the extra work I’ve been doing.” Voilà, Chanel flats appear.

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Part 10: The Importance of Self-Care

In an eight-minute monologue, Palmer discusses maintaining the Princess Treatment as an overwhelmed young mother. When your husband’s late, show him how you prioritize self-care, proving your worth.

Now, your interactions are minimal. He watches TV while you pamper yourself in solitude.

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Parts 11-29: Avoid Eye Contact With Everyone, Including Your Reflection. Fear That Someone Might Peer Too Deeply and See A Hollow Woman Sustained Only by Lemon Water and Designer Bags. Or Worse, Not See You At All, Much Like Your Husband

Congratulations, you’re a princess.

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Initially, I thought I was witnessing a woman’s journey of self-love turn into a viral sensation. After watching Courtney’s hollow gaze for hours, it seems more like her marriage is crumbling, and her fixation on being a princess is less about lifestyle and more about a desperate grasp for content. My forecast? In two years: How to Stay Feminine While Fighting for Full Custody.

If this is what being a princess entails, I’ll stick to chatting with my server, thank you.

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