[Note from the editor: This article contains spoilers for Hal & Harper.]  

In her latest album’s least favored track, The Life Of A Showgirl, Taylor Swift attempts to delve into the challenges of being the eldest daughter, with lyrics like “Every eldest daughter was the first lamb to the slaughter / So we all dressed up as wolves and we looked fire.” Despite trying to connect with the ongoing online conversation about the pressures and early responsibilities that burden many firstborn daughters, the song doesn’t quite hit the mark for those who don’t resonate with the line “I’m not a bad bitch / And this isn’t savage.” Fortunately, there are other, more relatable portrayals of eldest daughters in the media this year.

Eldest daughters have been a staple in pop culture for years, from The Hunger Games to Hamilton to 27 Dresses to Shameless. In 2025, this theme has become even more prevalent. Hulu’s Paradise opens with a teenage daughter making breakfast for her younger brother while their dad is preoccupied. Joachim Trier’s latest film, Sentimental Value, spans 134 minutes, exploring the exhaustion eldest daughters often face. On The Bear, Abby Elliott’s character Natalie steps into a parental role following her older brother’s death. HBO’s Task uniquely examines the trauma of an eldest niece, with Emilia Jones’ character Maeve raising her young cousins while their father gets caught up in his schemes.

However, the most poignant depiction of the eldest-daughter experience this year is presented in Mubi’s deeply moving series Hal & Harper. The show stars Mark Ruffalo, Lili Reinhart, and creator/writer/director Cooper Raiff as a family navigating complex, interdependent relationships following a tragedy. When Harper was four and Hal was two, their mother tragically died in a car accident, leaving their father, played by Ruffalo, to raise them amidst his grief. Twenty years later, the siblings are still grappling with that moment, portrayed in the series by having Reinhart and Raiff act out their childhood selves in flashbacks—Reinhart with a stoic maturity and Raiff with naive enthusiasm.

Throughout the season, all three main characters experience significant development, but Harper’s journey, in particular, highlights the emotional burden of keeping her family together. From the moment the police arrive to inform them of their mother’s death, Harper is the one comforting Hal as their father breaks down. By the third grade, she’s prematurely facing adult responsibilities, from soothing her brother’s anxieties to ensuring their father eats. As an adult, she manages her own life while still providing emotional support to her family, allowing Hal to stay at her apartment during stressful periods and celebrating her father’s news of a new baby with his partner, Kate (played by Betty Gilpin).

What Hal & Harper excellently portrays is the unspoken expectation placed on Harper to fill these roles, without anyone explicitly asking her to do so nor preventing her from taking on such responsibilities. In a telling flashback, their father attempts to compensate for his inadequate parenting by taking the kids to an indoor adventure park, yet he allows Harper to sit out and read while he entertains Hal. On their drive home, he reflects on Hal’s enjoyment of the day, treating Harper more like a co-parent than his child.

In Raiff’s previous films, Shithouse and Cha Cha Real Smooth, he explores the challenges of emotionally distant men, such as when a young Hal encourages his sister to confide in him during sad times or their father praises Harper after a school event. However, both Hal and their father tend to act on impulse, lacking emotional regulation, which often leaves Harper to provide stability, ensuring both she and Hal are cared for on days their father cannot cope.

Harper’s consistent reliability allows her family to overlook the difficulty of her role. The narrative around eldest daughters often combines the expectation that they should naturally care for their younger siblings with the stereotype that girls are inherently more mature and capable of emotional and domestic tasks. However, Reinhart’s portrayal of Harper vividly shows the personal cost of these expectations, as she suppresses her own needs to attend to those of her family.

Importantly, the series does not idealize Harper as a flawless caretaker. She can be distant and quick to anger as an adult, often seeking codependent relationships rather than establishing healthy boundaries. These traits are directly linked to the family dynamics established early on. When Harper informs her father of a new relationship, he reacts as if she has betrayed the stable, mature role he expects her to maintain, ignoring her need to explore her identity.

The casting of adults as their younger selves serves not only as a metaphor for the siblings’ premature maturation but also highlights how their father perceived them as more grown-up than they were. In flashbacks, he criticizes Harper for not acting mature enough, forgetting she’s still just a child.

The series concludes powerfully as we see young Harper finally experiencing a typical childhood moment—making friendship bracelets and getting her hair braided during a playdate. That evening, overwhelmed by her responsibilities, she runs away, only to break down when her father catches up to her. At this moment, the show switches to using actual children to portray the siblings, emphasizing their vulnerability.

Reinhart delivers a heart-wrenching performance, embodying the immense pressure eldest daughters often bear silently. Although the series balances its focus among the three main characters, the finale shifts to reveal that it has always been aware of the disproportionate burden Harper carries. “She needs to stop absorbing everyone else’s pain because she has plenty of her own,” Kate tells her husband, urging him to support his daughter more. “And she needs your help to understand what belongs to her.”

The finale offers a glimmer of hope as Harper’s father finally acknowledges his failures, apologizing for not being the parent she needed. This not only celebrates the resilience of eldest daughters but also highlights their unique ability to provide comfort and stability, as shown in a flashback where Harper reassures Hal during a playground incident, promising to stay by his side no matter what.

In contrast to the simplistic portrayal in Swift’s song, Hal & Harper captures the complex reality and beauty of being an eldest daughter, recognizing both the challenges and the profound impact they can have on their families. As another character in Sentimental Value reminds her elder sister, “We didn’t have the same childhood. I had you.”

Caroline Siede is a contributor to The A.V. Club.    

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Avery Sandridge

Avery Sandridge has an unmatched love for storytelling and the screen. From detailed analyses of your favorite shows to behind-the-scenes scoops, Avery offers a fresh and engaging take on everything TV series.